so sorry, blog. it's been a while.
at times i feel like my life is not exciting. i work at five in the morning. i scrub toilets. i come home. i nap. i exercise. i eat. and i try to fill my time with worthwhile things such as reminiscing with emily who's having a baby soon, reading muslim's book that i started in january that i may never give back, sucka, and attempting to fill my art portfolio.
but, i look at my life and feel like i really am making it happen. i've realized that i am the only person who can make things happen for myself. nobody else can jump into my skin and do the things that i want to do for me. nobody. it's all my choice.
supreme court told me a few weeks ago about not failing by default (she was referencing a story told by this guy to a girls camp). since then, it's become a way of life. whenever i feel scared to do something due to not feeling like i deserve a shot, that there are many worthier people out there, that i don't belong, i tell myself, "you are not going to fail by default."
and i'm not.
i have yet to figure out how to deal with failure itself, although the fact that men have stomped on my heart time and time again seems to show that i can deal with some kinds of failure but i feel like my time will come. if i can give my all, my best, i can know that i tried.
don't want my life to be full of "didn't tries," right?