in which kayleigh becomes a downer

you know those days where you feel like you can do anything? like "the sky's the limit"? yes, i just used a cliche.

like working out is going to actually help you get fit.
like that cute guy will fall for you. or that one. or two. let's have options.
like you have so much to learn in a day, and not enough time to do it.

yeah. today's not one of those days.

although: if my life were like a chick flick, where only good things happen to me, there would have been dancing last night while this song played in the background.

but just chattin'
while a monstrous wall of scary clouds
covered the sunset was cool, too.

to whom it may concern:

if we could not keep referencing what happened four months ago, that would be great.
and if we could not keep singing this song regarding it as well, also great.
and, since we're on it, stop saying i've been dumped by two major religions.

no. it's not funny.
yes. it still hurts.
no. don't ask for details.
many thanks.

kayleigh

on the edge of drowsiness

I just ate a banana. It was a treat, of sorts, to make me feel better about not being as prepared for the last French exam of the semester as I wanted to be. ask Allison...I dashed out of here and ran up the Stairs from Hell about 15 minutes before they handed out the last test...too much going on

I shouldn't eat my feelings.
I don't, really, because if I did I'd be about 300 pounds, but I do it enough to know I shouldn't.

What's ironic, though, is that when I'm really feeling...when I'm feeling to the point of wanting to throw something against a wall, or climb into Stella and drive until there's nowhere left to drive, when I'm feeling like I should be at Branticus' house crying while he gives me bad advice but listens anyway....when I'm feeling those things, I don't eat.

I don't even have an appetite.

Like that whole summer with Wyoming Boy.
I lost weight.

Or like that time almost three months ago (we don't often revisit that day)....Whit Leigh pretended it was my birthday at Brick Oven because it was going to be "the best damn break up [I'd] ever go through" and I was barely able to eat a salad.

I guess it hurt to eat. I guess the thought of when life changes suddenly turns me from food.
It didn't hurt to eat that banana.

But sometimes it does.

Dear January,

even though you're almost over (thank goodness) please give me more days like today. the lovely weather was just what i needed as i studied in an alcove of the jfsb.

please tell february that i need a miracle (although i've been blessed with small miracles in my life) and that patience as that miracle would be more than welcome.

thanks for giving me some of the sweetest memories of my life (and also some of the most bitter and hardest to comprehend, but i won't hold that against you). please help me understand why you had to be so cruel to me at times. maybe february will have the patience to explain...

love, kayleigh

Sad, Sad Day

It's been a while, dear blog. Life's been pretty nuts and fabulous all at the same time recently.

Wednesday was a day of large disappointment. Since September 10th, I have been looking forward to one specific thing: the Billy Joel and Elton John concert, which was supposed to be today. I found out Wednesday that it was cancelled due to the fact that Elton John had the swine flu and e.coli and Billy Joel was sick or something too (they are in their sixties, so you know...sickness happens).

My world was shattered.

Yes, I'm being a bit dramatic, but still. They're legends. And now I have to wait 3 more freakin' months! BAAH! The anticipation is killing me!!!

I'm stoked for Thanksgiving, I don't know about the rest of you. Man, I love Thanksgiving. Lots of awkward moments with the extended family that I rarely talk to. It shall be excellent.