Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Wishing

Today has been kind of a sad day. I've felt like I've been kicked around in the mud for a little while. I'm so stressed out with school/registration (see my previous post) and where I'm going in life that I just don't really know what to do with my life. I honestly have no idea what's going on. I feel so lost. What's worse is that I've reached the point where I just want to give up because I'm not seeing the point (and the sensible part of my brain that isn't overloaded with life is saying, "Kayleigh, you don't really believe that," whereas the passionate, less reasonable part of my brain is crying on the insde and virtually committing brain suicide...don't do it Brain! You have so much to live for!). And because of my physics class, I might not be able to keep my full-two-semesters-tuition-paid-for for school. I'm not failing. In fact, I'm doing above average in that class. But apparently, that's not good enough.

And Brant's gone on his mission. He reported to the MTC this morning. He's kind of my safe harbor (aside from my family) who's been there for almost four years. No, I'm not in love with him. He and I already established we could never get married (haha, and he almost ran into a car when I asked him if we could...it had been distressing my mind for a while). He is one of my very best friends. We'd go shopping together all the time (and no, he was very much into girls as well...he just had an uncanny knack for picking out cute clothes for me...it was bizarre, really) and when I had no girlfriend to confide all my girl problems to (i.e. boys and all that jazz) I'd go to Brant. And he'd listen. He'd try to give me advice. Granted, the advice he'd give me wasn't always very smart advice, but he listened, and sometimes all you need is someone who will listen to you and give you a shoulder to cry on. I'll miss the punk. But it's cool...two years goes by fast, I guess.

Well, I just kind of had to vent. This post really made no sense at all, but I just needed to sort out what I was feeling.

10 comments:

The Boob Nazi said...

Oh men. Feel better okay!

Kristina P. said...

Life really sucks sometimes. Hang in there!

Kayleigh said...

You too, Boob Nazi. That headache you've had sounds like the worst.

And thanks, Kristina. :) Much appreciated.

Whitney Leigh said...

Its ok Kayleigh, I am sad too. I actually randomly started crying about three times yesterday. We still have each other. :) and if you asked me if we could ever get married, I would almost hit a car too.

Whitney R said...

I know how you feel. I felt that way A LOT when I was single and dating and not dating and not knowing where to go or what to do. I hope you still get your scholarship.

2 years DOES go by fast. It wont seem like it right now, but when your keeping busy with school and everything time flies. (at least that's what I keep telling myself so I don't feel deprived of not being a mommy right now - have to wait a year)

Just know Heavenly Father has a plan and really everything you are doing (if your living your life right - as right as right can be) is leading you somewhere. I see that now(how everything led me to my husband). Vent whenever you need! I'm listening :)

Kayleigh said...

Aww, I love my blogger friends! (and my real life blogger friend, Whitney Leigh...haha) You guys are great. You really have made me feel a lot better. Thanks for the advice! (I'm going to stop now before I get too cheesy...I promise I wasn't looking for attention or anything, I was just venting because I was upset)

Emily K said...

http://theboard.byu.edu/index.php?area=viewall&id=48515

There are some links here that might be helpful to you (for some of the school frustrations, at least). :) Bon chance!

RokArtist said...

Just remember, been there, done that and am just a phone call away...

Kiersten said...

Oh, I'm sorry you've been bummed. Life can be stressful and confusing; I remember it. If I didn't have Hot Stuff, I don't know how I would have made it through undergrad.

But we all adore you ; )

Whitney Leigh said...

I want to go back and console us and be like, "It's okay, he comes back. THREE DIFFERENT TIMES." hahahah