Sunday, August 17, 2008

4%....that's fair, right?

It's been kind of hard these past few weeks, with everything changing and all that jazz. I went to a party on Wednesday at a friend's house, and the realization came to me that really, it would be the last time I saw some of them for a while. I think, in the main part of my mind, I have been ignoring the inevitable with the upcoming HUGE change in my life, and I've just been taking it a day at a time, knowing it's going to come. But, the subconcious part of my mind is having some sort of intense battle because I've been really emotional, and the main part of my mind isn't sure why (well...for the most part, anyway....I AM a girl and I do tend to run more on the emotional side than most, especially with everything going on in my life as it has been...) That actually makes me sound legitimately mind separated and battling itself...promise I'm not crazy. I'm just thinking of a relatively concrete way to describe something sort of abstract.

I was really torn today because I was able to hang out with one of my best friends, Sadie, and I realize that it's probably one of the last times for a while. She's moving down to St. George, so travelling will be more difficult than it will be for most. Sadie's been there with me for so long...(well, long in my perspective of 18 almost 19 years)...through all of my teenage drama with boys and with school and everything else, she's been there. It'll be hard not to have her nearby when life in Provo gets tough (and I'm almost positive that it will...not being negative right now...just realistic...big change freaks me out).

Change, I've realized though, is an essential part of life. Thinking about it as I have been for the past little while, I've realized that I wouldn't want my life to stay as it is right now. I wouldn't ever freeze my life in one section of time. Although I'm scared out of my mind for what comes next, I realize that it's all for my benefit. It's through these parts of life where we learn the most. I know that through my hardest trials of change, I have certainly come out of the mess a wiser person than I was when I went in ( wise as I can get at 18 years old...I will be the first to admit I don't know everything and still have much to learn...haha, my parents would love to hear me say that).

So, I guess I'll just have to roll with the punches. Trust where trust is needed, and know that if I'm doing what I'm supposed to, everything will work out in the end. And I know with all of my heart that will be the case.

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