Monday, August 16, 2010

insomnia revisited

couldn't sleep.
i was experiencing one of those in-between sleeps, where you're mentally aware of everything, but you are sleeping. the fan in my room was abnormally loud tonight. then the second you decide to turn over, you wake up again. not pleasant.

i think it's because the sunburn on my neck is mildly unbearable. that and perhaps the nap i took yesterday. but even with naps, i can usually sleep well.

so here i am. on the couch that is easily more comfortable than my bed. i have ice in a pink sock on my neck, held there by a scarf that whit leigh gave me last wednesday. sort of contemplating life, i guess. which is a really long way to disclaim that anything that formulates from my typing fingers may or may not be logical at this early hour.

i'm kind of thinking about the missionary; whether or not i'll hear back from him, and whether or not it will be a positive response. either way, though, it doesn't really matter. i was justified in writing what i wrote to him last time well, two times ago now and i wouldn't take it back.

kind of thinking about muslim, too. his book is on my coffee table. a little more worse for the wear than when he let me borrow it. for whatever reason, he was in my mind a lot yesterday while i was at church. i let myself relive things that i haven't relived in almost exactly seven months.

what's particularly disheartening about thinking about these two individuals is that i really am content with my life right now. i don't feel like i need a man. i'm happy. i don't feel like i'm missing out on life right now by not being married or in a relationship like so many of my friends and acquaintances from high school. i mean, i'm twenty years old. i've got puh-lenty of time. i'm not even really interested in anybody right now, to tell you the honest truth. let's just say that the events that transpired seven months ago have left me a little more worse for the wear than muslim's book. we'll call it even.

yet here i am. thinking about the missionary. and muslim. although he's a little more in the back of my mind, but still there.

thinking about what's going to happen with my life not exactly with the missionary, just in general.

endlessly. thinking.

man. i just want to sleep.
alas, work is nearing in about 45 minutes.

1 comment:

Julie Johnson said...

Ya know what sucks most about your age? People get married and turn into adults. Trust me, its over-rated! Go live as much as possible and dont sweat it too much or youll end up with the wrong person. You need to rid yourself of that book. I found that burning things was the best way for me to be done with them. I burned my Math book that as the book required for the class I almost didnt pass, thus almost didnt get my associates, but I pulled it off and then BURNED that book. I have also burned a couple letters and one bridesmaids dress to my least fav wedding ever! Its all cathartic and I highly recommend it and doing everything and anything you can dream up at this age. If you think about it, you only have a small window when your not someones kid or wife or mother. LIVE IT UP!! leave no adventure behind!!