Sunday, April 4, 2010

"there must be truth; there must be a wall."

am.big.u.ous [am-big-yoo-uhs] : open to or having several possible meanings or interpretations.

you know, i've been asked why i keep my blog so ambiguous at times.
why there are sometimes only themes and imagery and such that only i will understand.

recently, i've asked myself the same question. people like openness on blogs. people like to read about other peoples' lives. and i won't build myself up saying that you are that interested in my life, because you're probably not...not what i'm getting at. promise.

i once had the privilege of going up to the roof of the "swicket" which is normally closed to students.
i remember watching the small forms of several hundred different people all across campus: coming from the jkb, walking to the esc, exiting the library.
people come and go by us. everyday.
i said, "it amazes me that people have lives of their own. their own fears, likes, dislikes, people they love, disappointments they've faced."
they all had lives of importance to them, just like my life is important to me.

possibly a realization that people make early on, but it never ceases to amaze me.

anyways...i digress...a lot...

why are we fascinated with the details of other peoples' lives? i mean, we have our own lives to live, so why do we feel the need to be involved?
perhaps it's because we have the need to feel connected with other people. to understand that they also know what we are going through. maybe it's an innate feeling of charity: wanting to know about other peoples' lives so we know how to help. i hope that's why

back to the original question: why do i keep my blog ambiguous and very open to one's own interpretation? if i put in more detail, perhaps more people would read, more people would understand so they'd want to read...i don't know.

there's a certain amount of vulnerability that comes with posting every unambiguous detail about life.

i have a secret.
i'm obsessed with vulnerability.
experiencing it? not so much.

i wrote a lyric essay on vulnerability for my creative writing class last semester. we all feel it. we all go through it.

i want to write about the moments in my life, but if i made them understandable, i'd be incredibly vulnerable.

and i don't want to make myself more vulnerable than i already am.
give it some

1 comment:

Whitney Leigh said...

I love ambiguity.

I also love vulnerability.

I'm much better at one than the other.