I'm up super late right now. I think I have an unhealthy addiction to my laptop and the availability that it has brought me to the internet.
The first step to recovery is admittance...I'll just go with that.
Anyways, the song "Say" by John Mayer just came on my iTunes (it's shuffling through my songs right now, so it randomly came on).
This song has some very positive (yet conflicting) connotations with my memory.
I had just finished a movie with one of my friends, who I happened to have a thing for (still do, although it's pretty complicated...and people say, "Oh, it's complicated" all the time, but this really is WAY complicated). I had just spent probably one of the best days of my life with this boy, and all these randomly weird emotions were running through my head. I really REALLY liked this kid...but he was a complete enigma to me. I just didn't understand him, and that frustrated me to no end. When the movie we were watching was over, this song came on during the credits. He said, "Oh, this is a great song," to which I whole-heartedly agreed. It really is a great song. Then he started singing it..."Say what you need to say, say what you need to say" as he turned off the TV. I found it only too appropriate for that moment in time. I was feeling all these things for him, and at the same time, I had all these things that I wanted to tell him about....well, everything. I don't know. This isn't going to make sense. This is just one of those posts I put up for my own accord and sanity. An "if-it-doesn't-come-out-of-my-head-and-isn't-written-down-within-the-next-few-minutes-I'll-explode" sort of thing. Anyways, I went downstairs to go to bed with my mind going a mile a minute. Then we said goodnight to each other, and I just wanted so badly to have my mouth explode with everything I wanted to tell him. Everything.
But, as is unfortunately the case in life, I couldn't. I still can't. It's a rather precarious situation.